Self-discovery when dealing with cancer of a loved one

It’s been a long time between blogs as I have been struggling to put words down on a page to signify how I feel. The Universe can be a horrible thing. A friend said to me today you haven’t ran over a Chinaman you have ran over all of China! In other words how can one person be dealt with such bad luck. Don’t stress, my cancer hasn’t come back, but I have had to deal with understanding what it is like for a loved one to get cancer and that feeling of hopelessness as you can’t fix the problem.

On the day I received my amazing results to say my margins were clear was the same day my mum was having a biopsy of a mass they found in her pancreas. Unfortunately that mass was pancreatic cancer. I just don’t understand how this could be. My mum is a extremely healthy 61 year old. So when the worst had passed and I thought I could begin to piece my life back together another jigsaw piece was broken.

My mum is my best friend, my role model, and the one that supports me through life’s up and downs. She has been absolutely amazing throughout my cancer journey. Now I to return the favour for her. The strength and resilience I have shown during my treatment has come from her. She is the strongest and most caring woman I know.

My blog is named self-discovery through triple negative cancer. My self-discovery through pancreatic cancer is a little different. It is much harder when you are not in control of your own cancer journey. I rarely got emotional when I was sick as I was simply determined and positive to beat it. But when it is your loved one dealing with it, the emotions have been high. I am physically and mentally exhausted but trying to put it to the side as I don’t want the stress to play a toll on my body. Empathy is another thing I got from my mum. I know what it is like to be in mums shoes. I have discovered that at times the tears will simply come out even if you are trying to control yourself and keep them within. But as the quote says I need to pick my sword up and fight again. Mum is a fighter and my inspiration. She will fight her hardest fight and I will be there to support her anyway I can.

So if you were wondering why I have been so quiet of late it is because I am dealing with another major blow. One thing I can say is my goodness our family bond is strong. Mum pulls our family unit together and I admire my brother and the way he has stepped up to support mum like no one else can. It is a time like this when you reflect on how lucky you are to have a close family who love each other. Family means the world to me. If only we could rewind the clock back to Christmas Day last year when all was good in our world!

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